Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s a thousand emotions at once — sometimes all in one day.

Some mornings, I wake up and forget for a second that he’s gone. Then it hits me, and the air feels heavier. Other days, I feel nothing at all — like I’m walking through life in a fog I didn’t ask for.

Losing Darren cracked something open in me. I didn’t just lose my brother. I lost a version of myself that existed when he was still here.

I’ve felt guilt. So much guilt. For not being there. For not knowing how much he was hurting. For being so far away.

I’ve felt anger — not just at what happened, but at how unfair life can be. At the way people say things like “he’s in a better place” when I’d give anything for one more conversation.

And then there’s the love. Grief is love, stretched beyond the limits of this world. I still talk to him sometimes. I still hear his laugh. I still carry him with me — in everything I do, in the words I write, in the person I’m becoming.

What does grief feel like? It feels like trying to rebuild yourself around a hole that never quite closes. But with time, I’ve learned that it’s okay to grow around that hole — that healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

If you’re grieving, I hope you know your feelings are valid — no matter what they look like. There’s no “right” way to grieve. There’s just your way.

And however you’re feeling today — you’re not alone.